Category: Comment

Spider-baiting

Here at the Star Chamber, we would never stoop to using the word “loins” merely to increase the chance of getting a quick visit from the one-handed search engine set. Nevertheless, spend any time watching the search words go by at a big search site (Magellan lets you do this), and it becomes unmistakably clear that an alarmingly large number of those searching the net have got exactly one thing on their mind. With that in mind, we put together this instructional page to illustrate how innocent pages can be easily misinterpreted by overzealous indexing engines with inflamed desires.

What you see:

They canoed down the Ipswich river as it snaked along its course through the countryside, now meandering through the thorny underbrush, now drifting lazily past the sclerotic octogenarians slowly rocking on the porches of their stuccoed houses. From its quiet sources in Essex county, through Middlesex county to the blustery waters of Plum Island Sound, the mysterious and meditative Ipswich carried them steadily onward.

What the index engine sees:

They canoed down the Ipswich river as it snakedalong its course through the countryside, now meandering through the thorny underbrush, now drifting lazily past the sclerotic octogenarians slowly rocking on the porches of their stuccoed houses.

From its quiet sources in Essex county, through Middlesex county to the blustery waters of Plum Island Sound, the mysterious and meditative Ipswich carried them steadily onward.

Cachet

With the end of April comes the quickening of Spring, a time celebrated by the ancients with bonfires and cleansing rituals (and the occasional loss of sexual innocence). Look at a calendar and you will find that April 30th, once known as Beltane, is just across the year from Halloween. Both are cross-quarter days, in that they divide the interval between solstice and equinox, and both were considered to be times when the spirits would walk about unfettered.

We here at the Star Chamber are always looking for ways to adapt ancient rituals for new purposes. Paracelsus, inspecting the growing pile of direct mail ads and catalogs in his mailbox, is considering a cleansing fire ritual of his own. Put all that junk mail into a great big pile under the evening sky, set it afire, fix yourself a nice dry martini, and cast away, if only for a brief period, the demons of Marketing and Direct Sales. Happy Beltane!
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