Month: November 1999

RAQ: The Star Chamber Rarely-Asked-Questions List

We hope this compendium of infrequently posed queries, painstakingly gathered across many years of operation, will clear up some of the mystery surrounding the Star Chamber.

Don’t see your favorite rarely asked question here? Send a note to the RAQ Master at raq@starchamber.com and we’ll add it to the list.

Q: Are you Star Chamber guys really all the same person, only with a bizarre split personality disorder?

A: No.

Q: Who were the Hittites?

A: Now that’s a rarely asked question. During the second millennium B.C. the Indo-European people known as the Hittites ruled over the “Land of Hatti,” in central and eastern Anatolia (the peninsula which is modern Turkey). They had displaced the previous occupants, the non-Indo-European Hattians, and ruled from the city of Hattusas near the modern Boghazkoy in northern central Turkey, possibly as early as 1900 B.C.

Q: Do you live in a big wacky house like the Partridge Family?

A: No. But the Star Chamber corporate headquarters comprises a large campus, and depending on your taste, you may consider some of the Frank Gehry buildings to be, as you say, “wacky.” Also, much like the Partridge Family, we have madcap misadventures every week. But the answer to your question is no.

Q: Is your site loosely based on the 1983 movie “The Star Chamber” starring Michael Douglas and Hal Holbrook?

A: Surprisingly, yes.

Q: Really?

A: No. Not really. I just wanted to see your reaction.

Q: Do you live in a big wacky house like the Partridge Family?

A: If you ask me that one more time, it won’t be a rarely-asked question anymore and I’ll be forced to strike it from the list. Think of the others and please be more considerate with your questions.

Q: Are these questions submitted by real people, or are you just making them up?

A: What do you think? You’re the one asking the question.

Q: I see. So they’re completely made up.

A: That’s not a question.

Q: Why are you called The Star Chamber anyway?

A: I’m afraid that particular question is frequently asked. You’ll need to refer to our FAQ, which sadly has not yet been written.

Q: Do you live in a big wacky house like the Hittites?

A: Ha ha. Okay, that’s enough questions.

Claim that cheesecake

Those of you who read this space regularly you will recall a discussion of
cheesecake, loneliness, and the internet from earlier this month. The premise went like this: the internet is lonely. Does anybody out there really connect? (Note: I know the answer is yes, but I was exaggerating for effect.) To show that people really can connect with one another, send me a postcard and I’ll send you a free cheesecake. As of this writing, the cake is still unclaimed. Now how’s that for irony, eh?

Actually, as a result of reading that piece, one loyal Star Chamber reader was inspired to order flowers for his wife. Now if that’s not reaching out and touching, I don’t know what is.

By the way, it’s not too late to get yourself a free cheesecake.

Another part of the Star Chamber community has been active. We are delighted to report that as a result of our listing his artwork on this site, West Coast artist John Lynch has sold two of the original paintings first displayed on this site in September.

In an effort to provide more information about the Star Chamber site and its cast of characters, we have assembled a short but we hope useful list of Rarely-Asked-Questions.